A crude Christmas

Book Review: Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice #2: Dark Rival - Jude Watson
The sequel to the story that began in Jedi Apprentice #1 The Rising Force. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon find themselves on a bleak and remote mining world. Obi-Wan still hopes to win over Qui-Gon and become his Padawan. But Qui-Gon must first deal with his previous Padawan, a rogue named Xanatos who is manipulating a plan to take over a rival mining company. Qui-Gon must choose between his past, Xanatos, and his future, Obi-Wan, while the fate of the entire planet hangs in the balance.
While very short, this is a good read. Jude Watson's storytelling style and dialogue holds true to the movies and feels very much like a real 'Star Wars' story.

TV Review: Seinfeld Season 1
We rented this on DVD here so Yukiko & I could enjoy it together. It's surprising just how good this show was even in it's debut season. The Pilot episode was very interesting as it didn't contain Elaine, Kramer was called Kessler, and Jerry's apartment was pretty different.

Movie Review:Bad Santa: Badder Santa Unrated Version (2003)
What a treat this film was. I was happily suprised when the opening credits rolled and the director was revealed to be Terry Zwigoff. I really liked his earlier, very quirky films about introverted but creative loners such as Crumb, and Ghost World. This film and it's main character are nothing like them however. Billy Bob Thornton plays the complete opposite of his character in Monster's Ball; here he is a loud, foul mouthed, Santa Claus costume wearing con man who like to drink, get in fights, and engage in anal sex with fat women. His life finally makes a change for the better when performs the good deed of beating some teen age bullies senseless. This is a very dark comedy that had me rolling with the gigglies. Certainly not a Christmas flic for the kiddies though. 9/10

Mountains, Prairies, and Rock & Roll

Movie Review: The Holy Mountain (1973)
I've seen some wierd movies in my time. I'm a big fan of David Lynch, Peter Greenaway, David Cronenburg and Lars Von Trier. I've seen 'Un Chien Andalou' and both 'Tetsuo the Iron Man' movies. This movie may take the cake though. Not only does it take the cake but it eats it, poops it out and then smears it into a quasi-religious symbol on a freshly painted white wall. This movie has quite a cult following and I first heard of it and it's bizarre director Alejandro Jodorowsky while I was in university. The movie clearly has 3 parts. The first part by far the strangest. It begins with a very Jesus-like character being resuscitated by an armless and legless midget. Then he is strung up on a cross while small children throw stones at him. Afterwards, he strolls through a city in Mexico and witnesses very shocking things. Tourists gawk and take pictures while soldiers rape and kill civilians. Toads in bright little costumes recreate the Spanish invasion of Mexico. A group of scantily clad women (prostitues I think) began following him around. One of them is accompanied by a monkey. Finally, he scales a very tall building and finds an alchemist inside. The alchemist knows some kind of kung-fu-like fighting style and proceeds to smack this Jesus character upside his head. Afterwards the alchemist takes him under his wing and shows him how to turn his own feces into gold. It's a very beautiful moment. Part 2 has the alchemist introducing Jesus to his future team of super friends, 8 other successful people from different fields. Each of them is introduced in turn in short segments and they are each as crazy as as the next. The 3rd part has the alchemist leading his followers up a mountain to find the 9 people who control the world. They mean to find them, kill them, and take their places. Along the way they each have strange visions - such as drinking milk from the teats of an old bearded man. At the end they reach a table with 9 cloaked figures only to find out they are just manequins. The alchemist turns to the camera, it pans back to reveal the film crew, and he says that it was all just a film. Visually this movie very impressive. For such a small budget Jodorowsky did an amazing job. Someone must have a put a lot of time into making all those cute toad costumes. A very strange and confusing film where you'll be constantly trying to understand what is going on, but an impressive tour of the director's subconscious. He had some big cahones to make a film like this. 8/10

Movie Review: Open Range (2003)
My reaction to this movie was the same as when I watched the movie 'Tombstone'. It's very well done with good acting and a good story. However, it is just your typical western movie with nothing new. It's nothing I haven't seen before. It's not like 'Unforgiven' which broke all the rules and is, in my opinion, the best modern Western. Open Range features Kevin Costner and Robert Duvall as free range rangers who are leading their herd through America. Along the way, they meet up with a greedy 'Rancher' who doesn't like them filthy free rangers. The rancher kills their employees and event their dog. This leads to a huge gunfight (which I'll admit is very well done) to decide the fate of a town. In this town Costner meets a woman (the only woman in the film) and of course they fall in love. 7.5/10

Movie Review: School of Rock (2003)
I'm a big Jack Black fan and was worried because I'd heard that this movie wasn't all that funny. Luckily I liked it. Black was great as the manic fake teacher trying to convert a class of elementary students into a kick ass rock band. Sure it's completely unbelievable. How could no one at the school notice a band practicing all day every day? Why did the furious parents all suddenly forget their grievances when they reach the Battle of the Bands concert? But it's funny, the kids are great musicians and the music is awesome. You've gotta just go with it. 8/10

TV Review: Lost Season 1
40 some odd survivors of a plane crash must learn to live on a tropical island. They were so far off course that rescue seems unlikely. Dangerous wild animals and some kind of monster lurk in the jungle. They may not be alone. Everyone is carrying extra baggage and it's not the kind you wheel around behind you. You can't trust everyone you're marooned with. It's a great idea and I really liked the first season. There are some minor continuity problems (why hasn't the fat guy lost any weight after a month on the island? Why out of 40 characters do we only know 7 of them?) but the story is developing very well. What worries me about a continuing series like this (I mean that it's not a mini-series with a definite ending all penned out) is that it may turn into a bad Gilligan's Island remake. Just how many mysteries can this island contain? How many other people can there be on it? Despite this... I'm stoked for season 2.

"I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert."

Movie Review: Blue Velvet (1986)
I may be biased because David Lynch is probably my favourite film director but I think this is one of the best movies of the 80's. Modern film noir at it's best. Kyle McLachlan plays an amateur sleuth who decides to hide inside a woman's closet to see if he can learn any secrets. Dennis Hopper plays one of the most terrorfying film villains anywhere. It has many classical Lynchian elements; dreams, strange images, bizzare sound effects, and strange, mutilated people. Perhaps the weakest moment of the film is a conversation between McLachland and Laura Dern outside a church where they discuss her dream about robins coming to save the world. But in Lynch's world of dualities this too good to be true scene balances the incredible powers of darkness that the characters must also confront. Like most of Lynch's films, viewers either love it or hate it. There is no middle ground. Even people who hate it though must admit that it moves them, which is no easy task for a film to do. 9/10

Movie Review: Myteries of Love (2002)
A documentary on the Blue Velvet special edition DVD. Contains archival footage of Lynch talking about the movie and new interviews with all the stars. Funniest bit was how Dennis Hopper got his role by telling Lynch, "I am Frank Booth." These days Lynch refuses to really talk about his movies because he doesn't want to affect how his audience interprets them. Mostly funny stories and anecdotes about the making of the movie, it's a good book end for fans of the movie. 6/10

Movie Review: King Kong (2005)
Well movies don't come much bigger than King Kong. At first I questioned why Peter Jackson even bothered with this remake. I hate seeing movies being remade when the originals are still perfectly entertaining. This wasn't a money grab by any studio however, it was Jackson's dream to make a new version of Kong. And what a remake it is. The film really breaks into 3 parts. Part 1 shows a swarthy movie director (Jack Black, who did better in this dramatic role than I figured he could) trying to organize a film shoot on an unknown island. His producers won't give him any more money and his leading lady has quit the project. Enter Naomi Watts, a hard working vaudeville dancer who is as down on her luck as the rest of the depression era city. Part 2 has the cast and crew reach Skull Island, which is inhabited by wild, crazy-eyed natives, dinosaurs, giant insects, and need I mention... King Kong. There are some amazing action sequences here as humans and apes alike battle to survive. The running of the brontosauruses is something to behold, although a little unbelievable to see Jack Black so deftly avoiding their stampeding legs. Kong enters a battle royale with a pair of T-Rex's that is exciting but ends up in a vine covered ravine where the combatants must fight their way to the bottom, from vine to vine. Action scenes like this have been popping up a lot lately since Jurassic Park when the SUV gets stuck in the tree and chases the kids down. Frankly I'm a little tired of this schtick now. Probably the scariest things on the island are the giant insects, which are as big as the dinosaurs. With their numbers why haven't they taken over the entire island? Some kind of giant tubeworms that swallow people limb by limb were really well done and just disgusting. The final part of the film has Kong creating havoc in New York City. Some of the scenes are very beautiful and it's amazing to see the emotions in Kong's eyes. Lots of reviewers are calling this one of the best films of the year and I have to disagree. While it's worth watching, it's not one of the best. 8/10

Meddling with Muggles

I'm over halfway through the first season of Lost. I am truly sucked in now and must finish the season off. It is quite good but still very formulaic. There are also many small flaws that may become more annoying as the show progresses. First of all, despite the fact that there are over 40 survivors only about 7 of them do enough to warrant receiving a name. Perhaps they are pooling all their toiletries together but the men have really short beards after being stranded on the island for so long. On the other hand, the women all have impeccable hair still. Bruises from fights seem to heal very quickly. The guy who struggled for an entire episode with a drug addiction seems to have kicked the habit very quickly and it is no longer an issue. Even though they made it very clear in the beginning of the series that burying bodies would just draw dangerous animals, they now bury everyone (and not very deeply either). These are only small complaints though and the show is fun. I really want to know what is going on there.

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Wizard People's Version) (2001)
A new narrative to the first Harry Potter movie by a fellow from Texas by the name of Brad Neely. It's somewhat like the MST2K material but here the entire story is redone. Harry Potter is a raging alcoholic that runs into challenge after challenge as he looks for his next drink. I think the whole concept of fans making 'alternative narratives' for movies is great but this one turns out to be only mildly amusing. If you'd like to check it out yourself you can download it here.

Movie Review: Millions (2004)
Latest flic from director Danny Boyle. Unlike many of his previous films which were quite edgy (Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, the Beach, 28 Days Later) Millions is pretty much a good family fare movie. It's about a small boy, mysteriously named Damien, who lives with his older brother and widow father. He has memorized details about all of the famous Catholic saints and truely believes in them. So much so that he is often visited by (or at least has visions of) them and receives advice. He believes that his recently passed away mother must have joined their holy numbers and frequently asks if they've met her. One day, as if it has fallen from the sky, a sports bag full of pound notes finds its way into his hands. And with the UK's country about to switch to the Euro, he only has a short time to use the money before it becomes worthless. Much of the film involves the small boy and his brother finding ways to use the money. The older brother uses it to gain prestige and respect at his school while Damien is intent on giving it to the needy. The movie takes a darker turn when the real source of the money reveals itself and wants it back - somewhat of a throwback to Boyle's earlier film 'Shallow Grave'. There is a smidgeon of CG in the movie but it is done very subtlely and really adds to the magic quality of the movie. 8/10

Movie Review: Prince of Egypt (1998)
The animated story of Moses. Apart from a few Disneyesque comedy moments (this film is by Dreamworks by the way, not Disney) this is a pretty serious movie. The animation was just brilliant. The parting of the Red Sea, in particular, was fantastic. The cast is also very impressive:

Val Kilmer .... Moses/God (voice)
Ralph Fiennes .... Rameses (voice)
Michelle Pfeiffer.... Tzipporah (voice)
Sandra Bullock .... Miriam (voice)
Jeff Goldblum .... Aaron (voice)
Danny Glover .... Jethro (voice)
Patrick Stewart .... Pharaoh Seti I (voice)
Helen Mirren .... The Queen (voice)
Steve Martin .... Hotep (voice)
Martin Short .... Huy (voice)

I didn't really like Kilmer voicing both God and Moses. He used 2 slightly different voices but it was fairly obvious. I read that at one point, early on, in the creation process they were going to use a woman's voice for God. They figured that would raise too many shackles and then decided to use an amalgamation of the entire cast's voices for God. But in the end they just went with Kilmer. It's very well done and worth a watch for those interested in the subject matter. 7/10

Movie Review: The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004)
I'm actually a little embarrassed to say I saw this one. One of Yukiko's coworkers lent us the DVD so I felt like I had to watch it. I figure that if someone lends us something without our asking for it they must be recommending it, right? Well this movie is definitely geared for the 6-12 year old girl market. A sequel that has a college age Princess of some non-fictional European country look for love in order to qualify to become queen. There are plenty of silly pratfalls, cooking mishaps, spontaneous hip hop dance interludes, and even sliding down ramps on bed mattresses. If all that sounds great to you then ... 4/10

Book Review: Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice #1: The Rising Force by Dave Wolverton
The story of Obi-Wan Kenobi as a teenager, training at the Jedi temple, hoping to become a padawan to the famed Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn. It's very short at just over 130 pages, but a nice look at Obi-Wan before he becomes the confident Jedi we see in the movies.

playing catch-up

School is done for the year and now I can relax and try to catch up on some movies. I'm only a few years behind the scene I think. I've also just started watching the 1st season of Lost. It's pretty intriguing so far.

TV Review: Corner Gas - Season 2
Not quite as good as the first season but still very funny. If you liked Northern Exposure I'm sure you'll like Corner Gas.

Movie Review: Taking Lives (2004)
This movie tries very hard to be the next 'Seven'. Unfortunately it tries too hard and is much too obvious. The beginning of the movie was very surprising though. In fact, I thought I was watching the wrong DVD at first as the story was unfolding in a completely different direction than I expected. Angelina Jolie plays an FBI agent in Montreal trying to solve the case of a serial murderer. She's very sexy in the role but not very believable as a hardened law officer. 24's Kiefer Sutherland has a small role but I'm afraid that to me he will always be Jack Bauer now. He's so identifiable with his role on '24' that I find it distracting when he does anything else. 5/10

Movie Review: Monster's Ball (2001)
What an amazing movie. No wonder Halle Berry won the Oscar for best actress. What a tour-de-force by everyone involved. The movie comments on race relations but is really the story of two lonely people who undergo extreme losses before finding each other. 9/10

Movie Review: The Big Fish (2003)
A real tear-dabber from the mind of Tim Burton. A son who has only heard bigger than life tales from his father attempts to learn the truth before his father passes away. Great acting by a big, splendid cast with a touch of subtle special effects really make this movie great. 8/10

Movie Review: Dances with Wolves (Special Edition) (1990)
The 4 hour extended version of the movie that swept the 1990 Oscars, including best picture. The scenes that were cut only add to the movie and make it more enjoyable for those liked the original. We get to learn what really happened to the troops stationed at the abandoned fort, how Stands-With-Fist's husband died, and other information. This version of the film also adds a little ambiguity to Costner's character's view of his new native friends as he witnesses the grisly remains of some hapless white hunters that were slaughtered by the tribe. Alongside 'Unforgiven' I consider this one of the great modern Western films. 9.5/10