The Great Switcheroo pt 2

Okey dokey, here are the remaining reviews from 2005 up to the present.

May 2005:

Movie Review: The Pianist

There's a reason why Polanski's movie was nominated and won so many Oscars, it's plain excellent. About a Jewish classical pianist living in Warsaw during WWII, this is a harrowing tale of pain & suffering. For me it completes a triumverate of amazing Holocaust movies; Schindler's List, Life is Beautiful, and now, the Pianist. 9/10

Movie Review: Shall We Dansu?
The original Japanese version. Beautiful in it's simplicity, a Japanese salariman goes looking for love but finds it inside a pair of shoes, his own. No I'm not talking about shoe gnomes but ballroom dancing. 9/10

April 2005:

Movie Review: Hellboy
I've never read the comic book that this movie is based on but I sure hope it is better than the film. Apart from the fine Hellboy costume I don't have much praise for it. The story begins with the Nazis attempting to make contacts with some H.P. Lovecraftish, Cthulhu demons who will destroy the world. How this will help the Nazis out I don't know. Anyways, they are foiled by a crack troop of American GI's (of course) but not before one small, red demon baby comes through the gateway. Jump to the present this demon baby has grown up into a big cigar smoking, crime fighting demon. Oh and the same Nazis are still around too. Very disappointing. 5/10

Movie Review: Constantine
I saw this one at the theatre with my friend Dan. I think he liked it more than me though. I read that everyone was comparing this movie to the Matrix so I was expecting something pretty good. But, as with Hellboy, I was pretty disappointed. The story, a man named Constantine (I can't see any connection to the Roman Emperor of the same name) knows he can't enter Heaven as he attempted suicide at one point in his life. He also fights half-breed demons who are attempting to change the balance of good/evil on Earth. The hokey ending was bad enough for me, but I can't help but cringe when I see anti-demon automatic weapon he uses. Not quite as bad as the one used in Van Helsing but a close second. Keanu Reeves character was completely unsympathetic so I really didn't care what happened to him. That and the numerous short jaunts to Hell (despite his stated fear of the place) really got tiring. Hey, it only took me 5 months to see my first movie of 2005, off to a slow pace this year. 6/10

Movie Reviews: My Big Fat Greek Life
The short lived TV sitcome based on the hit movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Featuring all the same cast, with the notable exception of the movie husband, this show only lasted 7 episodes. Sure it follows the typical TV sitcom formula but it is still pretty good. Perhaps because Yukiko and I are a young, international-marriage couple we could sympathize with the characters a little more than most. SCTV alum Andrea Martin really steals the show. 7/10

Movie Reviews: Cradle 2 the Grave
I only watched this one because I knew it had several UFC fighters in it. Even their scenes were painful to watch though. The plot - stolen diamonds, a kung fu cop who ends up with the most unlikely of partners, poorly choreographed cage fights, stupid offroad bike stunts. Yes it's all here! The only thing I took out of this movie is the realization that my friend Toshimitsu really looks like Jet Li. It's uncanny. 5/10

Movie Reviews: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Based on the life of TV game show guru Chuck Barris who besides creating; the Dating Game, the Newlywed Game, and hosting the Gong show, claims to have been a CIA hitman. Written by Charlie Kaufman and directed by George Clooney this movie really drew me in. The off-camera antics of the game show contestants is pretty hilarious and a lot of original clips are used. Do I believe that Barris was a CIA hitman who killed 30 people while chaparoning his dating game winners? Not for a second, but it makes for a great story. 8/10

Book Review: Appleseed
OK, not really a book but a manga review. I saw the movie version of Appleseed some months ago with my friend Dan and we were both confused. It contained the key Japanese anime elements of transforming robots, mysterious energy sources and young women in mini-skirts. Apart from these things we couldn't understand what was going on. Well, we saw it in a theatre in Japanese with no English subtitles so perhaps it was just our lingual deficiency holding us back. So procurred the English language translation of the original Japanese manga in hopes of discovering what I was missing. Apparently nothing. This 4-volume, 3000 pg or so manga really had no coherent storyline whatsoever. I'm sure I understood the whole thing better before I even started reading it.


Movie Review: Where the Heart Is
A poor, pregnant teen is abandoned by her redneck boyfriend outside of a Wal-Mart where she is forced to secretly live until her baby is born. I figured the movie would probably just stick around here a la Career Opportunities but it didn't. It went on to show the girl grow up into a young woman confronting her fears, new careers, her good-for-nothing-leave-you-at-Walmart ex-boyfriend, and even a tornado. Actually I think the movie should have spent focused a little bit more on her time at Walmart because while it didn't seem like a long time it is explained later that she lived there for months. And she didn't just live there, she took full advantage of the food court, exercise and camping equipment. I don't buy the fact that she was never discovered by the staff that stocks the store at night during the whole time she was there. Natalie Portman does a much better job here than she does in the latest Star Wars trilogy but that's probably because she has a much more interesting character to portray and she isn't bogged down by Jar-Jar. 6/10

Movie Review: Shark Tale
Coming out so soon after 'Finding Nemo' this movie is always going to be unfavorably compared to it. And while it's a fine film on it's own it pales next to Nemo. The story, a smart mouthed little fish from the bottom of the reef befriends the vegetarian, pacifist shark son of the mafia shark family. Pretty predictable story with some nice 'comment on society' gags but that's about it. Will Smith and Robert Deniro do a pretty decent job with their characters but what happened to Jack Black? He is one of my favourite comedians but I hardly recognized him here. Did he just phone in his lines or what? In this day of digital recording I suppose he could have. 7/10

Movie Review: Collateral
A philosophically inclined hitman hires a stuck-in-a-rut taxi driver to assist him for 1 night's work. Another great piece from director Michael Mann that is quite similar to his previous film 'Heat'. Taking the cue from Heat where one of the most dramatic scenes involves the 2 stars Deniro and Pacino talking over coffee, this film has the 2 stars locked in conversation together for nearly the entire film. And it works. And while it's no 'My Dinner with Andre' it's pretty captivating stuff. Hopefully Jamie Foxx will be as good as Tubbs in Mann's upcoming remake of 'Miami Vice'. 8/10

March 2005:

Joseph Campbell - Oriental Mythology
Fascinating look at the interconnectedness of several Eastern Mythologies and religions.

Jack Kerouac - On the Road
Best travel story I've ever read. Sure a lot of the slang is out of date but I felt like I was in the car with these guys. First Kerouac book I've ever read, but definitely not the last.

Michael Ondaatje - The English Patient
Very different from the movie. Not only includes an extra character, and Italian thief, but tells 1 story for each of the main characters, whereas the movie only focused on the English Patient's tale. Great read. I especially enjoyed reading about Kip, the sapper, and his stories of disarming mines.

Dan Brown - Angels & Demons
Certainly no Kerouac, but a great plot. A Harvard symbologist must match wits with the illustrious and shadowy Illuminati to save the papacy. Great for conspiracy buffs.

Dan Brown - The Da Vinci Code
Better written than his previous outing (A & D) but I wasn't as impressed with the plot. Perhaps because this was mostly lifted from the pages of 'The Holy Blood & the Holy Grail'. The stuff about the Divine Proportion was great though. I hadn't heard of that.

Baigent, Leigh and Lincoln - The Holy Blood & the Holy Grail.
What a coincidence, I was in the middle of re-reading this when I got to Dan Brown's stuff. I was a little more skeptical this time around but it is still a great investigative effort. The research these guys put into the book is very impressive. I won't give out the main details here for anyone who is interested in reading 'The Da Vinci Code' or seeing the movie that is due out sometime with Tom Hanks. One of their more interesting propositions is that the infamous 'Protocols of Zion' document in fact has nothing to do with any Jewish conspiracy but instead is a document about the Priore de Sion.

Carl Sagan - The Dragons of Eden: Speculations on the Evolution of Human Intelligence.
Interesting multi-discipline look at human evolution. His ideas on the evolution of right handedness are very interesting. It is very dated though. For example, he mentions that the new video game 'Pong' is an example of how computers can teach abstract scientific principles such as Newtonian gravity.


Movie Review: Das Boot
The 3 1/2 hour Director's Cut. Story of German U-Boaters and their hardships at sea during the War. Life inside a small, cramped submarine for months at a time certainly wasn't nice. Not to mention all the guys trying to sink you. Remarkable for the fact that this film was made entirely in German, yet all the cast were able to dub their own lines in English for the international version. 8/10

Movie Review: The Ring
American version of classic Japanese horror movie. While it had some definite 'shock' moments, this one has nothing on the Japanese original. 7/10

Movie Review: Scary Movie 3
Lucky timing. This movie is a great spoof of the Ring, Signs, and 8 Mile. As it's directed by David Zucker (of Airplane, and the Naked Gun series fame) how could it not be good. This kind of gag comedy seems to be the only thing Charlie Sheen can pull off these days. Oh how long ago Platoon and Wall Street were, weren't they Charlie? 7/10

Movie Review: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
Based on a series of childrens' books that I'd never read nor heard of before. 3 kids' parents die in a fire and must go to live with a rather, shall we say, eccentric relative. Jim Carrey is great in the lead role. I found him hilarious and probably kids do too. John Cleese is very funny in a supporting as a snake expert. 7/10

Movie Review: The Terminal
Found this movie very 'Gumpish'. Sweet, funny talking guy finds himself in a bad situation and meets the woman of his dreams. I liked it though. Based on a true story, a man from a non-descript Eastern European country becomes confined to JFK airport after a revolution in his country invalidates his passport. He learns to live very comfortably at the airport and makes many friends along the way. 7/10

Movie Review: Finding Neverland
Based on the life of Peter Pan author J.M. Barrie. Once again Johnny Depp does a good job this role didn't seem to demanding. He was basically just looking happy and starry eyed most of the time. The kids were the real treat. The boy playing 'Peter', Freddie Highmore, was fantastic and showed a wide range of emotions. It's nice to see that he won a few awards for his performance. 8/10

Movie Review: Sky Captain & the World of Tomorrow
Along with Sin City and a few others, this is considered one of the first fully digital, live action movies. Apart from the actors everything was done via blue screen. So the film looks very good for the most part. It captures the feel of the old Flash Gordon style serials very well. It is really reminiscent of 50's sci-fi, big robots, clunky laser beams, and damsels in distress. The story was as clunky as the laser beams though and I quickly lost interest in it. 5/10

Movie Review: Alfie
Ugh, a Jude law double bill. What was I thinking? Anyways, this movie is based on a completely original notion: let's have a young, randy playboy discover that a string of meaningless sexual encounters will leave him feeling empty and alone. Apart from the original 'Alfie' starring Michael Caine this idea has never been shown on the big screen before. Fortunately the many women who he meets along the way were interesting characters to distract me from the blandness that was Alfie. 6/10

Movie Review: Taxi
God in heaven I hope the original Luc Besson film is better than this piece of crap. Bad movie, bad movie! Supposed to be a comedy but the only time I laughed was at the very beginning when a helmeted, acrobatic bike courier was revealed to be Queen Latifah. The story, if it can be called that, is that a cop investigating a series of bank robberies (involving beautiful Brazilian models who also happen to be racing drivers) can't drive. Enter Queen Latifah, the ex-bike courier who has just started her taxi driving career. She dreams of being a Nascar driver and somehow had the money to super charge her taxi into the fastest car on the planet. Not only that, but the taxi appears to be normal. With the push of a button all the special features emerge, a-la James Bond. A very generous 3/10


Movie Review: Keeping the Faith

Caught this one on late night TV. Romantic triangle involving a Catholic priest, a Rabbi, and the 'Dharma' from Dharma & Greg. Sounds dumb but I enjoyed it. Nice to see Ben Stiller in a dramatic role too. 7/10

Movie Review: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Finally watched the new extended DVD version. With 50 additional minutes the movie's running time clocks in at nearly 47 hours. With all the documentaries and extras it should take me about 14 years to get through it all. I love the new scenes. The death of Saruman, while very different from the book, was great. If you're a LOTR nerd like me you'll love it. Otherwise, save half your remaining life and give it a pass. 10/10

Movie Review: Kung Fu Hustle

The 2nd film I've seen from Hong Kong director Stephen Chow. This one bears a strong resemblence to his last work, Shaolin Soccer. They are both kung fu action/comedies with lots of outrageous CG effects. The story is very weak but the effects are outstanding. 7/10

Movie Review: Trois Couleurs: Bleu

The first of Kieslowski's 3 Colour Trilogy, representing the 3 colours of the French national flag. The first film involves a woman who's daughter and famous, composer husband have just died. Finding herself suddenly independent she tries to disappear into normal society but old friends and her husband's unfinished work keep calling. 8/10

Movie Review: Trois Couleurs: Blanc

I saw this one as somewhat of a comedy. A Polish immigrant's French wife leaves him when he can't perform in bed. On top of this he loses all his money and his passport. He is forced to return to Poland hiding in a suitcase, only to be 'stolen' from the airport and beaten up by a gang of disappointed thieves. Having hit rock bottom he comes up with an ingenious plan to turn him into a successful business man so he can exact his revenge on his ex-wife. 8/10

Movie Review: Trois Couleurs: Rouge

A model hits a dog with her car. She looks for the injured dog's owner only to find out he is a retired judge that is using eavesdropping equipment to listen in on his neighbours phone calls. This strange set of circumstances leads to a beautiful friendship and a fantastic resolution that involves the 6 main characters from each of the trilogy's films. I was saddened to read that the director died shortly after completing the trilogy. They were great films and I reccomend them to anyone who doesn't mind reading subtitles or can understand French. 9/10

Movie Review: Mission to Mars
Basically a remake of Kubrick's 2001 except it's nowhere near as good. Even the great cast can't save this clunker. 4/10

Movie Review: City by the Sea
Crime drama with Robert Deniro and the young guy who played Harry Osborne in Spiderman as his son. Deniro is a cop and his estranged son is wanted for murder. This movie is well done but quite slow paced and depressing. 6/10

Movie Review: Analyze That
The 2nd half of my Deniro double header evening. Enjoyable but not as funny as its predecessor as the jokes start to wear thin. 7/10

February 2005:

Movie Review: Ali G indahouse
Hilarious British comedian Ali G's first feature film. Yes it's pretty dumb but it provides lots of non stop jokes. Ali G, a rapper wannabe from the 'ghetto' of Staines and Langley Village rises to become Britain's newest MP. Predictable jokes about class differences abound but they are done in a clever and cheeky way. 7/10